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 nce for lesbians than 
gay men, and that gay men are significantly more likely to be 
targets of violence.That research also has found that it's often straight 
men who have the most difficult time with homosexuality   and 
particularly gay men    says researcher Gregory Herek."Men are raised 
to think they have to prove their masculinity, and one big part 
about being masculine is being heterosexual. So we see that harassment, 
jokes, negative statements and violence are often ways that even younger 
men try to prove their heterosexuality," says Herek, a psychologist at the 
University of California, Davis, who has, for years, studied this phenomenon 
and how it plays out in the gay community.That is not, of 
course, to downplay the harassment lesbians face. It can be just as 
ugly.But it's not as frequent, Herek and others have found, especially in 
adulthood. It's also not uncommon for lesbians to encounter straight men 
who have a fascination with them."The men hit on me. The women 
hit on me. But I never feel like I'm in any immediate 
danger," says Sarah Toce, the 29-year-old editor of The Seattle Lesbian, 
a daily online news magazine. "If I were a gay man, I 
might    and if it's like this in Seattle, can 
you imagine what it is like in less-accepting parts of middle America?"One 
of Herek's studies found that, overall, 38 percent of gay men said 
that, in adulthood, they'd been victims of vandalism, theft or violence 
   hit, beaten or sexually 
  would be better parents than gay men.Nancy 
Dreyer, a mother in a two-mom family, has noticed this in her 
own life."With gay male friends of ours who have kids, people will 
say, 'My gosh, who takes care of this baby?'    
as if they're not capable," says Dreyer, whose 57 and lives in 
suburban Boston.The assumption, she says, is that men aren't nurturing. 
And if they're too nurturing, she says, people get suspicious, noting that 
no one has ever questioned her and her partner about their ability 
to raise their son, who's now in college.She's noticed the different ways 
society treats gay men and lesbians, partly because she has a brother, 
Benjamin Dreyer, who's gay. The Dreyer siblings say it's difficult to compare 
their experiences because Benjamin came out in college, and Nancy in her 
early 30s.So he was the first to tell their parents. "They yelled 
at me. They took you to dinner," Benjamin Dreyer, who's 54 and 
works in publishing in New York City, now jokes with his sister.Truth 
was, as a young gay man coming of age as the AIDS 
epidemic took hold, his parents simply worried, and with good reason, his 
sister says.There's little doubt, they both say, that AIDS influenced the 
perception of gay men.Benjamin Dreyer says he dealt with societal bias by 
avoiding it, and surrounding himself with people he knew would be supportive, 
including his parents, eventually.But he's also realizing how quickly the 
need to do that is disappearing. He was s
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