[spectre] Sleazy Art Meetings (6)

[furtherfield]

Sleazy Art Meetings (6)

Mechanic tries to Fix up his Art-Life!


I work for myself as a mechanic in my own garage and my main passion is art,
especially Internet and performance art. I'm a pretty radical artist I
suppose; also have a web site showing 'Real-time' web cams as I mend various
vehicles. I get over seven hundred hits a day and the toll is rising. Art
Action is my life; it is Performance in the Context of Play and Ritual.

I am a very serious artist/mechanic but I possess an urgent need to find
another artist, preferably an adventurous female to share new ideas with.
Until now, I have only explored one concept and that is fixing cars and
showing them online. It's time to branch out to find a decent cyber fem who
is keen on sharing a Dadaist take on life. Hell, even the washing up would
be fun with her as we 'discuss how things mean, rather than what things mean
'.

Recently I've been surfing around on the Internet and the other day I found
this site called 'Live behavior System'. It was really cool and I tried the
free membership. I played around in the chat rooms and then I found this
incredible woman. She was a married artist looking for someone to talk about
'Live action role-play'. I had her send me a picture of herself and I almost
fell off my chair. She was gorgeous, incredibly hot.

She said that she was very interested in pursuing real art behavior with me
but felt self-conscious. I said that she was only experiencing a possessive
adjective emotion, which is natural. She said 'ok, what about her
subconscious narrative matrix?' I must admit I was speechless for a few
seconds and I could only think of the film 'The Matrix', with all that
leatherwear. No decent cars though.

I chatted with her for over an hour and at the end of our talk she told me
she wasn't going to do it. I sighed and logged off. The next day I checked
the system again and she was online. We chatted and she told me that live
action role-play and me was all that she could think about. We talked some
more and finally I left the final decision up to her. I suggested that we
should both meet each other and try out some art behavior or live action
role-play together without web cams, just the two of us.

Either she would show up at my place or she wouldn't. Simple as that. I gave
her my address and told her to come by on the weekend. The weekend came and
went, and she never showed up. But on Wednesday a woman came into my garage
and asked me if I could fix her art-life so it would run more reliably. She
had on a blue dress that she filled out perfectly.

I experienced an almost sculptural sensation, a manifestation of visceral
materiality in my pants. She didn't say anything else, she just moved closer
to me, dropped to her knees and pulled out my ready-made. Then she slowly
explored my personal narrative before giving me the best live Art-Behavior
performance that I have ever had in my life. It was amazing; it was like
when I saw Picasso's Guernica, whilst looking through a Kaleidoscope
telescope for the first time. It was thought provoking, mesmerizing and all
consuming.

It was such an overwhelming deep, ultimate action-type happening, for a
moment I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. A mutual function of live
action role-play, shared by two people. It was so real that it felt unreal.
She climbed up on my metaphorical prodigy and slowly, ever so slowly,
submerged it deep down into her situationist grasp. Wow, what a feeling. We
tried several unrehearsed, laterally, intuitive positions before I had to
pull out my personal critique, I was about to explode.

Incredible. After she cleaned herself up she told me that she thought she
had made a mistake and hurried out of my garage. Suddenly I got loads of
phone calls from excited friends and viewers who regularly frequented my web
site, it turns out that I accidentally left the web cam on. Many of the
phone calls were requests for me to repeat the performance. And then it hit
me, I did not turn the web cam on, she did. Dammit! I was set up by a
competitive art-activist. Pretending to be into live action role-play and
she made a 'Spectacle' out of me. I never saw her again, which is too bad
because she was an incredible artist.

marc garrett
http://www.furtherfield.org